“When you’re different, sometimes you don’t see the millions of people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the person who doesn’t.” This quote by Jodi Picoult is an honest push into a positive direction, for those who are looking for their self-confidence.
We all have our good days, and we have our bad days. After over a year now of being forced to, most of the time, be alone with your thoughts, the lack of human interaction can make our minds race. Admittedly, I also have moments of self-depreciation. By constantly being around someone, you are able to have support in forming your experiences and the way you think of yourself. So, naturally, being by yourself you get no human stimulation. How does one minimize unkind thoughts towards oneself? Is there a way to boost self-confidence on your own?
Me time = Key time for Self-Confidence
How does one reach a higher level of self-confidence all on their own? “I take the time to take care of me!” States Leah Stein, 23. “Doing something that is ONLY for me. I’ll cook a meal I love, do a workout, [and then after] I’ll surround myself with those who fill my cup and make me feel confident!” Do those words sound selfish? Well, they aren’t. They are actually crucial to boost self-empowerment. Forming a good relationship with yourself is the key base to be able to have a good relationship with the world and those in it. Once you master that, you will draw everyone in with your blazing confidence!
Have those conversations with yourself
The only person you have to truly prove anything to is yourself. So what do you do, when you feel that even you are your worst enemy?
It is important to be able to have conversations with yourself, about how you want the future to go. Self-talk is the way to be able to point things out. But always remember to be honest with yourself. You won’t bullshit anyone but yourself, and everyone else will keep on living their life. Meditating is another way to get closer to be able to have a say in what you’re thinking (I know for me, at times, I am powerless against my mind). Try to take control of your racing thoughts. Think about your deepest passions, and your “why”. Once you are able to answer those questions for yourself, you will level up in the confidence world. “Spending time on my own recalibrates my mind to remember to not give a f**k!”
With honesty comes accountability. Why go through your life lying, if it doesn’t matter to the outside? You will only be hurting your ego. Rip off that band-aid, and start having those conversations with yourself!
Ikigai: Find your purpose
Confidence is not just about looks. Of course, there are moments where we think about what we lack, and what others in turn have. Whether it be a job, an item, or an experience, the spiraling eventually starts and you want to crawl into your self-depreciation cave and never come out. With purpose, comes meaning, and with meaning comes motivation.
Ikigai is the Japanese philosophy of one’s purpose. “Iki” meaning “Alive” or “Life”, and “Gai” meaning “benefit” or “worth”. Combined, they are “that which gives your life worth”. So what is your Ikigai? Ikigai brings the idea that receiving joy from doing something and having a sense of purpose, meaning and well-being, is a feeling that your life is valuable, that you have an impact.
We all have our purpose, but it comes from within, and this is the lesson. No one can find your purpose, except for you!
Stop Comparing
While it is nice to look at others and appreciate human beauty other than our own, it becomes destructive if you stare too long. Not one human is the same as another, even twins. So that being said, it is impossible to become exactly how someone else is. It is normal to find another human attractive, however, once you wish for a trait that isn’t attainable, you are left at a standstill.
The best way to go about this, in my opinion, is to realize that everyone is beautiful in their own way, as cliche as it sounds. Beauty is not just a face. Beauty is love, compassion, comprehension, and so much more. It is when you are able to share honest thoughts, and not place judgment. It’s the warmth you feel when you hug, and the sparks you feel when you kiss.
Overview Effect
Some astronauts, when going into space, have an overview effect. I believe this is also something we, down here, should take notice of. The overview effect is a shift in awareness that astronauts receive when looking down at Earth, as the perfect blue/green sphere it is, for the first time.
“It is the experience of seeing firsthand the reality of the Earth in space, which is immediately understood to be a tiny, fragile ball of life, “hanging in the void”, shielded and nourished by a paper-thin atmosphere. From space, national boundaries vanish, the conflicts that divide people become less important, and the need to create a planetary society with the united will to protect this “pale blue dot” becomes both obvious and imperative.”
As aforementioned, this shift occurs when astronauts look in, down from the outside. Wouldn’t it be nice to channel this shift in awareness without having to go to space? At the end of the day, of course, certain events matter, but it is important to set priorities. What do you want to allow to take over your day? Are you really going to let someone or something other than yourself determine your self-worth and self-confidence? You are in complete control.
