Love and hate are so similar yet so different. It is human nature to receive emotions that could be almost internally explosive. Good or bad. The feeling of flaming love could be so similar to the feeling of burning hate, which is why it is so easy to get intense, irritating feelings toward another person you care about. Although it is a beautiful concept, when two humans love each other, it is extremely unfortunate when it turns to hate. What happens when the love is no longer there? Is there a set way on how to get over a breakup?
It is interesting to note that in your teens, the average relationship length is 1.5 years. In your 20s, it goes up to around 4 years. The romantic relationships of teenagers seem to last the shortest of various age groups. This is due in part to inexperience and immaturity that time eventually remedies.
I wondered why people have different emotional reactions toward different target persons in the context of romantic love and hate. It turns out that if there is a strong love for someone, but sometimes hate makes its way into the picture, the feeling of love may still be dominant in the context of betrayal. However, if one does not love that person, hate will be a much stronger feeling than love. Stronger feelings of love were associated with greater hate after the relationship was broken, suggesting a link between romantic love and hate.
Why, why, why?
What happens when the person you once thought of as your one and only, suddenly exits your life? What if it is the easiest transition for them, but you are still fully into the relationship? How do you cope? How do you get over a breakup?
With extended research, and first-hand account interviews, here’s how to save some time, and avoid losing many weeks and sleepless nights to a relationship that ran its course, and sadly came to an end. Pick your head up! Life is waiting for you!
First of all, the worst thing you could possibly do to yourself during a breakup is to keep lying to yourself. This will only make the healing process longer, and most definitely be a waste of time. It is extremely important to realize that, as sad as the situation may be, the relationship has come to an end. The burning feeling in your stomach, and all the memories playing in your head like a broken record, are all normal. It is more than okay to think about the other person and ask questions such as why did this happen. But after you ask, you must answer. Give yourself the respect you deserve and allow yourself to move forward with life.
MAJOR: Avoid passive-aggressiveness
A bad wound heals, but a bad word doesn’t. At the end of a relationship a few days ago, I realized that my significant other was drifting from me. Instead of trying to figure out “why”, I preferred putting up a wall of defense and I was the most passive-aggressive I could have ever been. It was a cry for help on my end, but they did not see it this way. Rather, they saw it as a major turn-off. As much as you want to scream at your ex-significant other, it is important to keep composure. The way you handle the breakup is a major image that will stay in your ex’s head. Show them your maturity and ability to stay resilient through a tough, heartbreaking time.
Spend time with your friends
Of course, having a significant other makes life fun. But that feeling that your best friends give you is irreplaceable. It is an easy band-aid to cover the wound, and by creating new experiences together you will allow yourself to focus on what is currently in front of you. This will leave you with a calming “C’est La Vie” feeling of acceptance. Anonymous states, “The only way I got over my bad breakup was to be with my friends. Tell them about my pain. Finding answers to the questions I had/unsolved circumstances I faced. As alone as you can feel, your good friends will always pick you up and soon enough make you smile.”
Work on yourself
Being in a relationship, you lose track of yourself to focus on your significant other. When you break up, it is way easier to look in the mirror and see who you are. By constantly being around someone, you are able to have a support in forming your experiences and the way you think of yourself. Solitude helps us regulate our emotions, it can have a calming effect that prepares us to better engage with others. Break-ups are a good motivation to train yourself to put yourself first. Work out, eat good food, breathe fresh air, watch a nice movie and most importantly take care of yourself. It starts from within, and as soon as you know it, you will see the results on the exterior.
Lastly, but extremely important, are your daily affirmations. Just because you lost your “other half” does not mean you are not a “whole”
It is important to notice that when ending a relationship, you do not lose yourself, and you remember that there was a life before your partner, and there will be one after. It is easier said than done, so quoting your daily affirmations are key. Affirmations are a powerful way to improve your mindset on a daily basis, and research has shown that they can increase our feelings of self-worth.
All in all, breakups take a major mental and physical toll on those affected. Find comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your pain, tears, and running thoughts. Right after that, keep moving in a positive direction and know that life is so big, beautiful, and waiting for you to persevere!