We need more female empowerment songs!
There are thousands of quotes about love like, “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t come back, it never belonged to you.” But what are these sayings actually trying to tell us? Why does love so often sound like a game of hide and seek? One person leaves, and the other one has to search. Why is it often about possession? About distance? Do we really believe that is what love is all about? Holding on too tightly, only to have to let go anyway?!
Who doesn’t know what I’m talking about? When it comes to feelings, you sometimes get stuck on hopes and then act like Sherlock Holmes searching for clues to find out whether or not the other person feels the same way. When an individual distances themselves, you start looking for explanations as to why that might be. Maybe. What if. It is not easy to be in love limbo land.
“Promise I’m worthy”
Adele’s songs, for example, perfectly demonstrate how one evaluates oneself when one’s love is not returned (anymore) and figures out why that might be. “Didn’t I give it all/ Tried my best/ Gave you everything I had/ Everything and no less?/ Didn’t I do it right?/ Did I let you down?”
A classic example here is the comparison of the new girlfriend: “Guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you.”
How to tell yourself that the other person can’t live a single day without you. “Maybe I should leave to help you see/ Nothing is better than this/ And this is everything we need.”
How to doubt the whole relationship and love because the other person seemed to just let it go. “You’ve given up so easily/ I thought you loved me more than this.”
How to devalue or glorify the other person. “Never mind, I’ll find someone like you/ I wish nothing but the best for you too/ Don’t forget me, I beg.“
And how to fall back into similar patterns in the next relationship. “I dare you to let me be your/ Your one and only/ Promise I’m worthy/ To hold in your arms/ So come on and give me the chance/ To prove I am the one who can/ Walk that mile/ Until the end starts.“
The unloved woman
I love Adele and her music. She’s been with me for years, but if you look at the lyrics from albums 19 and 21, you notice a problematic theme that runs through so many songs made by women: ‘I’m not worthy of being loved. What can I do to be enough for you?’ I’m only gradually noticing myself how we women systematically devalue ourselves in this society. Not only in terms of love. How in the media, the same narrative of the pitiful, unloved woman is brought up again and again. By men and by women.
Of course, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t listen to Adele’s songs or similar music. Her songs are still bangers and she can do whatever she wants. But it’s important to realize that we don’t have to sing about how little we’re worth. That love doesn’t have to be a back and forth between closeness and distance. We no longer live in the Middle Ages – we want empowerment and confidence!
“If you’re on your way/ I’m not gonna write you to stay/ If all you have is leavin’/ I’ma need a better reason/ To write you a love song today.“
So, it goes, according to Sara Bareille’s 2007 debut Love Song. I’m no relationship expert, but to me that sounds like a healthier take on love: If you want to stay, stay. If not, I’m not writing you a dramatic, tear-jerking song to keep you with me.
“But you are so damn worth it, baby.“
That being said, there is not only romantic love, but other forms of love as well. Victory, for example, sums up racism in her song “Who I Am” and expresses her fears that her children’s world will be no better than ours. Mereba sings in “Stay Tru,” “Iʼm sick and tired of the compromising/ Iʼd rather sleep with no one beside me/ Than with a ghost with a heart that froze.” We do not have to settle for something that is not good for us.
And when Ariana Grande sings in “7 Rings” about how rich she is and how she spoils her friends with expensive gifts, I think that’s also an expression of feminism and empowerment. It’s not easy to get recognition and wealth as a woman. So why not just rejoice with her? At the end of the day, only one thing matters, as Amber Mark sums it up, “You think you don’t deserve it/ But you are so damn worth it, baby.”
We’ve put together a fun playlist of empowering songs for you and your friends to listen and dance to. Enjoy!
