I signed up to Bumble and Tinder and ventured out for a little field research…
The principle of Bumple, Tinder and Co.
First of all for those who are not familiar with the dating app world: The principle is very easy! In both apps, Bumble and Tinder, you first create a profile – a few photos and a little info about yourself are all it takes. Then a few personal settings: What am I looking for – a man or a woman? What age should this person have? In which radius should he be?
And then the swiping starts! You are shown profiles of other men or women and you decide: hot or not? Because yes – these dating apps are pretty superficial! Swiping to the left means turning someone down. Right is Like! If the other likes you too, it’s a match! You can now text each other or arrange to meet directly!
Bumble and Tinder in comparison
Bumble and Tinder are really very similar. The founder of Bumble, Whitney Wolfe Herd was also co-founder of Tinder. However, she left the company in 2014, claiming she had been sexually harassed by co-founder and ex-boyfriend Justin Mateen, who was suspended from Tinder. Whitney Wolfe Herd then came up with the idea to design a dating app that is specifically designed for women and protects them from unwanted messages and sexual harassment. On Bumble, women are in control, giving them a sense of empowerment. You could call Bumble the feminist approach to a dating app. The crucial difference is this: On Bumble, the woman has to take the first step. If a match occurs, the woman has 24 hours to text the guy. It’s a bit like Cinderella with the pumpkin and the carriage: if she does not contact him within the 24 hours, the match will be forfeited again.
This is what I think of Bumble and Tinder
Bumble has definitely got a nicer design in my opinion. There are more options to reveal something about yourself. For example, you can specify what you are looking for: a relationship, something non-binding, marriage, or “I do not know yet.” This saves the annoying question, “What are you looking for here?”, which guys usually ask within the first 10 minutes of texting. By the way, their answer is usually: “Not interested in ONS (One Night Stands), but also not in anything serious”. Well, at least they are honest!
There are also the so-called icebreaker questions on Bumble: If every day was an hour longer, what would you do? If you could teleport yourself somewhere this weekend, where would you go? Who would be your perfect dinner guest? Nightclub or Netflix? … I think this is a nice idea to get a better feeling for a person.
Unfortunately, the info area on Tinder is often completely blank, so you have to make your decision based on only the photos – and that’s really not easy! I’ve often felt like I was swiping men off to the left, turning them down, and maybe making the wrong decision. Maybe he would have been in my dream man in real life? I had to swipe on Tinder for a long time until I found men who interested me. Too many arrogant looking machos with half naked selfies in front of the mirror – no thanks! Bumble, on the other hand, had many travelers and guys on vacation to offer – unfortunately also a no-go! What do I want from a guy who is only in my city for a week? Or better: what does a guy who is only visiting my city for a week want? Probably not a serious relationship….
In Germany, Bumble is simply not very well known yet. Constantly I got the message “That’s it. Please come back later”. I ran out of men!
Another cool thing about Bumble? When you sign in to the app you will be asked if you want to find love, friendships or even business contacts!
Conclusion: Although I am impressed by the idea and the structure of Bumble and everything is designed so lovingly, I have to say that I didn’t have a single date with a guy on Bumble. But maybe that’s also because I found it hard to make the first step. I always had the aspiration to write something more creative than “Hi, how are you?”. At this point two tips. To the men: help the woman make the first step a little easier and add a question to your profile. This can be anything, something personal or something funny maybe? My favourite: If you were an animal, what would you be? So you literally pick up the idea of the icebreaker questions. To the women: attempt to take reference to his profile. Ask him where the photo was taken with the mountains in the background or if this is his dog with whom he is cuddling. A GIF can also always help to lighten the mood!
But let’s talk about my experience
Even as I downloaded the apps, I almost died of excitement. So imagine how it was before the dates! But I’ll come to that later…
The whole swiping thing was quite difficult for me. As already mentioned, it was really not easy for me to rate the men only based on a few pictures. Although I was super critical and picky with my right swipes, I did have quite a few matches in the end. The first time I was still very excited! Until it turned out in the first few minutes that he was looking for a friendship with benefits! Um, nope not for me! Not that I judge people for having relationships like this, it’s just not for me. I also find it kind of cheap going on the Internet specifically searching for sex. Why categorically say from the start, that you’re not interested in anything serious? Can’t we just meet first and find out whether we even like each other before we talk about sex?
And then the classic: I was stood up. Multiple times. Until he just did not answer anymore. That’s what I’ve heard from several acquaintances: You text, everything is going well, you set a date to meet and even before the date ever happens, you’ll never hear from him again. At 6:30 pm he wrote that he was on his way home and he’d tell me when he was ready. That was the last thing I ever heard from him … what happened, I wonder?! In between, I was pretty frustrated with everything and even considered giving up.
The next and the first guy I was on a date with (!) was dull, emotionless and not passionate about anything. After the date, I wrote to him quite honestly and directly, that although he was nice, it just wouldn’t work out for me. Whereupon he answered: Yeah okay, but you’re really nice and sexyand I like your curves! Thank you, next!
By the way, what’s so hard about telling someone that you’re not interested? You don’t even have to do it personally, a short Whatsapp message is enough! Are men really that cowardly? This ghosting thing really annoyed me!
Well meanwhile, I had distanced myself a bit from the whole dating thing: I’m only doing it for research! Not for myself, or to find someone, just to go on a few dates, gain experience, put myself into those situations where I feel uncomfortable, learn something from it, and loosen up a little. And of course to write my article! Suddenly, it was easier, I didn’t take it so seriously anymore.
Nevertheless, I felt very uncomfortable on the next date. He was so relaxed and confident, I tried to be cool on the outside, but was actually a nervous wreck. The problem? I thought he was nice and funny and I was intimidated. Why can we be completely ourselves when we are not interested in someone, but as soon as we like him just the slightest bit, we are immediately nervous?
The perfect happy ending of my article
Who would have thought, that I’d actually meet someone I like? Certainly not me. Sure, I always thought it would be nice to meet someone. But I didn’t really believe that it would happen. As I said, the dates were actually only for research. Until he came and suddenly everything was different. With him, I felt so comfortable from the beginning and I almost fell in love with him directly on the first date. Could not stop thinking about him and talking about him (sorry to all who were forced to listen). It all came so unexpectedly and took me completely by surprise. And the best? He seems to feel the same way!
A few tips for creating an online dating profile:
The most important: profile photos!
Your photos are the first thing someone sees. That’s why you should pick the perfect photos. You should, for example, make sure that you are alone in the first picture – so you know directly who the profile is about.
Choose a picture where you are smiling! This looks open and friendly. You should also not choose photos that are heavily edited or show you with a cat-eared snapchat filter! For more reality on dating apps!
Use your photos to get a chance to show who you are or what you like! You love to travel? Then you probably have some nice pictures from your last holiday. Your dog is your one and only? A sweet selfie with your pet makes you seem likeable.
A problem that probably affects many of us: I was always afraid that the men I met with would be disappointed with me when they first saw me. Maybe I’m actually thicker than I look in the photos? Therefore, I deliberately decided to share photos in my profile where I can be seen completely and on which I do not try to hide my curves.
Here’s your chance to stand out from the crowd. You should not leave your description blank! Sure, it’s hard to find the right words to describe yourself. You want to reveal something, but not too much, show your best side, but still be honest. Try to be more specific than general phrases like “music is important to me”. You could tell small anecdotes – what concert did you visit last? What’s your all-time favourite song? On Tinder and on Bumble pretty much everybody’s profile tells you that he or she loves to travel, so you need to stand out from the crowd – where did you last travel to? What was your best trip so far? My profile said “Maybe a little awkward” whereupon a guy texted me with the words “I can totally relate to that!”. Your profile can be the perfect conversation starter!
Get a Wingman!
If you are unsure, just ask a friend for help! How would he describe you? Which photos of you would he choose? Often, friends can judge best which photos you look good on. It is even scientifically proven that you get more likes if you do not choose your own pictures!
One last tip: do not waste too much time writing to someone. One quickly develops an image in the mind, an idea of who that person is. When you meet for the first time, you are surprised that in reality he does not match the picture you had in your head. So: Less texting, more dating!