Infatuation and heartbreak … we can all relate.
When we are in an unhappy relationship or it comes to an end, we often ask ourselves what we’ve done wrong. It’s easy to get stuck in the same trap over and over again if we don’t reflect and learn about the mistakes that were made in a relationship. In fact, there are a few typical relationship mistakes that we have all probably made at one point or another. Whether it be through lack of experience, stupidity, stubbornness, or ignorance. So, put it on the table, think about it and learn from it … and do it differently next time!
1. Wanting to change your partner
You are madly in love, but those checkered shirts he likes to wear drive you crazy. Maybe his drinking buddies aren’t the best influence on him. Also, the sofa would look so much better with some colorful pillows instead of that ugly blanket he bought.
It’s best to forget about all of that immediately!
There is no such thing as the perfect boyfriend. There is no perfect prince charming without some rough edges anyway, and it would be so boring if he was perfect. But if you start to want to change your partner after a short period of time, you’ll be annoyed as hell if you stay with him.
Let’s face it: He may be hot, but if you know he’s not for you — don’t waste your time. Of course, in every relationship you can get annoyed by your partner, but if you notice that you get really annoyed with someone you just started dating it’s probably not a good sign.
2. Talk it out
Why hasn’t he said anything about my new hairstyle? Why doesn’t he have any opinion about our latest fight about his stupid colleague? And what exactly did he mean with the “no, I don’t think you’re too fat, too old or clumsy”? That’s what we really want to know now; and in detail.
The problem: men and women communicate (mostly) completely differently. While women like to replay their worries and needs back and forth to the smallest detail, men are looking for quick, pragmatic solutions. “White” means exactly that for men – and not ecru, ivory, lime or wool white, as it does for women. It’s crucial to understand how to communicate with your partner. Some things are better discussed between friends, and others are to be considered with your partner.
3. Speak up and don’t overcomplicate
“Maybe the new pants don’t look so good on me after all.” “The lawn is so long again.” “There’s a really nice restaurant opening in town.” Women love to talk and elaborate on every detail. Men seem to be more straight forward and they might not care about every little thing. Women and men communicate and understand things differently. When all he does is mumble “hmmm” it drives you crazy, and next thing you know, you’re arguing over something really stupid and being overly passive aggressive. Why does everything have to be so complicated sometimes? Men like clear announcements, period. Sometimes women refrain from giving short orders to avoid sounding too bossy, but men prefer to be told exactly how you feel and what you want. So, it’s better to just ask “could you please mow the lawn?” or “let’s try the new restaurant this weekend” instead of creating uncertainty and confusion.
4. Too much time together
Being in love is great! Especially in the beginning – or preferably forever – you want to constantly sit on top of each other and spend as much time together as possible.
Absolutely not! First of all, you’re going to get on everybody’s nerves if you’re all over each other every second. Secondly, your friends want to see you too. It’s easy to get infatuated with your partner and spend a lot of time with them, but do not forget about your girls! Also, too much PDA (public display of affection) is a big no. If your boyfriend wants to have a night out with his pals, let him have fun! It’s okay and totally normal to spend time apart from one another. It makes spending time together feel more special, and it also gives you time to miss each other. If your boyfriend wants to hang out with his friends, be encouraging! Don’t make him feel like he can’t see his friends — or else he’ll start to resent you for it. Both people in a relationship should make time for themselves to feel independent and reconnect with other things and people outside of the relationship. Maintaining a healthy balance between a relationship and the elements of your life is key. You want to enjoy the hours you spend with your partner; and only those who take a break from one another are happy to see each other again. Overly dependent partners can create a lot of frustration and unattraction in a relationship. Find the balance to be with yourself and your partner!
5. Forgetting your own value
Finally, and above all, most of the points mentioned above usually affect women who are not as confident in themselves or are not sure of what they want. If you are comfortable with yourself and all your little quirks, you will probably react more tolerantly when it comes to your partners ridiculous quirks. Why hold back from saying how you feel or what you want and deserve? Don’t make yourself feel small, you should always feel heard and understood by your partner. Don’t be afraid of making your partner know what you like and don’t like. We are beautiful, smart and sexy! If we can’t see that within ourselves, we can’t expect others to see it either.
Edited and translated by April Verite.