“The husband of my friend frequently makes filthy remarks or jokes, some of them directed towards me. He says these things both when he and I are alone and in the presence of my friend, his wife; sometimes he talks like that when there are more people. His comments are like saucy jokes of elderly men, except he is in his 30s: something like “Can I browse your books? That’s a really fine rack you have.” or “I know another thing that the three of us could do…” My friend doesn’t seem to be bothered by this, but I am bothered immensely. Usually, I laugh it off. A couple of times I tried a comeback that makes it clear how I feel about it, but apparently, the message wasn’t received. I really don’t know what to do because besides that, he is very nice and I like both of them a lot…” Kiki, 32
Dear Harassment Central, this reminds me of what they say about dogs.
Those that bark never bite.
The guy obviously isn’t getting laid very often, so he compensates by talking about it.
Anyhow, if you want him to stop shooting creepy lines at you, you have to understand this:
It’s all about territory.
Not his– yours. Apparently, everybody can come into your territory and do and say whatever they want. Like your friend’s husband. He probably thinks you find his comments funny. After all, you laugh at them.
You show people how to treat you.
If you want the guy to stop, you have to tell or show him so. Unambiguously.
Whenever I find a situation unpleasant, I get up and leave. And I leave completely, without feeling bad or getting worked up about it.
In more extreme cases, scratching and biting will do. If you wish, you can warn the encroacher before by hissing or snarling. Sometimes a smart rap on the knuckles has a far greater effect.
Oh, and don’t worry about your friendship with these two. If they love you, they’ll respect your territory. If not, they’re dicks.
So, fuck them.
Felipe
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Our columnist Felipe is a tomcat in his prime whose elegance, looks and sophistication made him an international success – as a model, muse and life coach. Born on the island of Majorca, this prolific feline works as the brand ambassador of Magnet Verlag publishing house and is designing his first jewelry collection. As of recently, Felipe has taken a sabbatical to do charitable work. For The Curvy magazine, he answers user questions from all fields of life.
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Text: Sabine Magnet
Illustration: Tanja Hirschfeld
Animation: Jochen Hirschfeld
